Tuesday, June 4, 2013
I have never, ever, ever in my entire life cheered for Reggie Miller, enjoyed an Incubus song, or agreed with Justice Antonin Scalia. Reading cases as a Cardozo student at the Innocence Project, I frequently thought about sewing Scalia's bunghole closed and then feeding him copies of the Bush v. Gore decision until he pooped recycled paper through his nose. Son is constantly justifying decisions by looking at his stupid WWFFD (What Would Founding Fathers Do) friendship bracelet, but fuck my life sideways in the ear with Monsanto Corn because I finally agree with him today regarding Maryland v. King...
This is a CRIMINAL PROCEDURE case weighing the public benefit of solving cold cases vs. your constitutional 4th amendment rights guarding against search and seizure. We all want cold cases solved, but at what cost to society and your individual rights? This isn't just swabbing your cheek. This decision is saying that without a warrant, without a conviction, and merely probable cause for a felony arrest that the government can take my genetic blueprint and put it in a database. Justice Kennedy kept talking about how a DNA swab is like finger printing, how it can be used to identify the person in question at the station, and without even addressing how ridiculous that notion is considering that it takes months to upload DNA evidence to a database; let's address another one of his "notions" i.e. the practicalities of law enforcement today.
Doggy, I'ma tell you about the PRACTICALITIES OF OUR GOVERNMENT. Over the weekend, someone stole the letter grade off the door of Baohaus. So, Evan went down to the DOH to get another letter grade to post. You know what they told us after waiting for 3 hours? "We looked all over but we can't find the box with the letter grades right now." THESE MOTHER FUCKERS CAN'T PROPERLY LABEL AND STORE LETTER GRADES FOR RESTAURANTS! We're supposed to trust them with our DNA? FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! My DNA is gonna end up on World Star and not because I threw a milkshake on the screen watching TWERK FAILS but because of GOVERNMENT FAIL.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
We can only trust ourselves because all these representatives are for sale. Yet, that sentiment leaves us with fear. We don't want the responsibility because duty without a way out makes you feel powerless. The tax code in 2011 had 72,000+ pages. HOW DO YOU GRAPPLE WITH THAT? You kind of can't, but I want people to know... Despite the mountain of fucking wizardry these assholes have cast over our political system, we can make a difference. We've seen it with kickstarter, reddit, wikileaks, digital gravel, baohaus, and any other grassroots movement that used their platform to do something about the way our world is headed.
We are the future and we got to get this shit right. I can't sit here and crack jokes about roors and bang bus like shit is sweet. If our country keeps heading the way it is, there may not be a bang bus and I'm just not ready for that life. Am I really just a narcissist, cause I wake up to vids of Ava's tits?
(if hyperlink doesn't work above here it is from FORBES)
(This is link for video from ABC Nightline)
Friday, March 22, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
JADA, WE MADE IT.
(apologies to every one for Chef Creole's Swag Shirt and constant use of "baby" but trust he a good dude despite the axe body spray vibrations)
1 season, 5 episodes, 15 parts... THANK YOU BASED FOBs FA YO SUPPORT.
It means a lot that yall rode for a show that didn't rely on food porn, voice over, celebrity guests, and the constant proliferation of dominant cultural beliefs. You watched a man slaughter a rabbit. You watched sex workers. You watched betel nut girls. You watched a short, fat, chinaman feed himself until he looked like a jeremy scott bao.
And all the while, you debated in the youtube comments about the issues. A lot of you just wanted to call people chiggers, but those people aside there was a lot of real conversation and it means the world that you mofuckers engaged the show. I hope you guys continue to engage this show and every thing else you see as well. The conversation is what we did it for.
I can tell a lot of you were receptive to flipping things like porn stars, stinky tofu, and food television on its head to see what the other side had to say. A lot of times we don't get the full picture from today's media but the internet is enabling us to actually tell the stories ourselves. To anyone who doesn't fuck with mainstream media and the news, you have no excuse. Get a camera, get your Pretty Indian Producer, get your Italian-Cuban Camera Crew, throw your boy from Santa Barbara into a 10 square foot ply wood edit suite, and tell the story yourself. We have the power to tell stories ourselves. Vice obviously paid for this show, but you can literally report on the things in your neighborhoods with one digital camera and a laptop. You have a duty to tell the world what's going on in your hood and counter the poison they're filling our brains with. No one is going to change the world for you. Do it for yourself.
Once again, thank you for your support, cop the book, and we'll see you for Season 2... Play my music bitch!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
THESE ARE NOT POLO SHIRTS AND THIS IS NOT A RECAP... I'm going to cover 2 scenes in episode 2: Hanna x Dive Dating x Fetishization and Marnie x Pretty People Haters
Marnie is an amazing interviewee. She's sharper than most people interviewing her, yet, she's aiming so low with her life. We all know these people... You have no idea why they take dead beat desk jobs or play assistant to so-and-so going nowhere editor at fill-in-the-blank dinosaur hip hop magazine when you know damn well said assistant should be the editor.
Marnie goes through the motions in interviews, humors potential employers with lines like "yea, she's not very good at living" and you just want her to flip the table over onto the sidewalk, step on gallery owner's head, and force them to hand over their business like it's Johnny Fontaine's freedom. #LucaBrasi #OfferYouCan'tRefuse
But Marnie ends up doing something more realistic, predictable, but still POWERFUL. She gets a "pretty person job" and I fucking love it. She's getting $400 a night to be a hostess. There are attorneys and doctors that make less. It's one thing when men "gaze" on women and frame their sexuality but it's another for a woman to take it, control it, and own it themselves. Is that what being a hostess is? Probably not. It's not a power position. It's at times a degrading position especially knowing what you're selling, but in my mind it's about what you do with the money. It's a tricky dance, but real boss bitches get paid. SUP JADA STEVENS! SUP LISA ANN AKA THE OTHER SARAH PALIN! SUP SARAH PALIN! I mean, for real, wasn't Sarah Palin basically campaigning for a "pretty person" job? And didn't she lose her power when she lost control of the messaging? If she had used her sexuality and won the office of vice president, it's a win. But, to do reality shows, to do fluff appearances, to do Glen Rice, those aren't "power moves" so to speak. If you control your identity, your integrity, and your messaging, SELL IT short term, but you have to evolve.
Jamaicans sell tank tops with holes in them.
Nigerians sell bubble guns.
Young pretty fly NY chicks sell titties at the hostess stand.
Society sucks. It forces you into these boxes but you have to use what you have to get out.
I sold shirts on the 6-train, I sold porno on 3.5" diskettes, and I sold buns, but I never ever let myself get satisfied. I never took on the mentality of a mother fucker selling buns. I told myself I was a boss and that standing by a steam table selling buns was a short term thing. I was paying dues. No matter how many people told me to stand in a kitchen, I ignored it wrote the book, did the show, and got out. So fuck anyone who thinks Marnie's selling out getting a "pretty person" job. I hate these entitled peons who have the luxury of not taking shit jobs and then clown people who HAVE to take them to come up and pay their bills. #HustleHard
Athletes are revered in our culture and they use their bodies. What's the difference? The difference is that society drew a line at using your bodies for sport, but not sex. Yet, you have to ask yourself in a Partriarchal society why that line is there? Probably cause women could run the world if they withheld the punani... I digress. North Brooklyn Dive Dating and Fetishization of Dangerous Black Men... Leygooooo!
The conversation between Hanna and Childish Gambino is fucking amazing. To anyone that thought Sex in the City was ground breaking, please, this show is doing to Sex what The Wire did to the Sopranos when it came out. Girls goes beyond the world that lives within the black box and grapples with the issues cable wants us to believe don't exist. Conversations about dating that are forced to circulate within the margins of faux-post-racial America are fucking useless.
I honestly can't stand Childish Gambino's character on Girls just like I can't stand Hanna but it's fucking perfect. These people exist. Black republicans = They OUTCHEA MANG and they have as much of a right to their shit opinions as the rest of us. Black, yellow, brown, Cuban Republicans, I see you, I don't fuck with you, but yall have as much right to your opinion as I do. To tell someone they should align with a party, opinion, or view point because of the stigmas attached to their skin is bullshit. You have no idea what people went through and any attempts to distill that experience based solely on skin is futile.
Hanna in episode 2 is quite possibly the most despicable character I've ever seen on a screen and it's genius. She's this Oberlin educated liberal white chick who thinks she's down because she "read" about it. The most obnoxious quality in a human being is the inability to recognize when you don't know; that's Hanna. The reason why Girls is so infuriating is because there is an absence of "white guilt". I love white guilt; it's cultural chlorine ridding the social pool of over zealous white know-it-all-ism. And, it's beautiful to see how out of balance conversations in this generation go when a self-absorbed, entitled, white chick like Hanna feels personally slighted and forgets to put her white guilt hat on. It is impossible to communicate with white people without the presence of guilt.
At the crux, that's one of the core through lines in Girls. Most people from dominant culture acknowledge the need for guilt as being drivers in the cat bird seat of the world's foremost super power. I have guilt when I go to Taiwan, I have guilt when I go to the hood, I have guilt when dealing with employees for the simple reason that I'm in a position of power. With great power comes great responsibility and one of those responsibilities is to carry guilt.
For the record, I didn't want to recap this episode cause I felt it was perfect, but shouts to @mislaT for making me recap the ep!!!